A virtual - and virtually unbelievable - online newspaper of humor, satire, parody, and fun published weekly for Stray Lake, Stray County, and straying minds everywhere Vol. 5, Number 4    March 23, 2004

PAGE ONE NEWS  C.G. SCAVOLA  ARCHIVE  OUR STAFF  STRAY LAKE U  LINKS  WRITING & EDITING  SERVICES  GET YOUR DIPLOMA  FROM STRAY LAKE U  BULLETIN Do not ask Edgar Jones how he got his fingers caught in the mousetrap at Maude Hegerly's garage sale. Just don't, that's all. GET YOUR DIPLOMA FROM STRAY LAKE U WRITING & EDITING SERVICES FROM THE WEBMASTER New! An answering machine message "Hi, we can't come to the phone because we're suffering from the general malaise. You remember the general, short guy with his hand always stuck in his coat?"

March Madness hits the Tipple Time "Are we going to see much March Madness here at the Tipple Time?" Euflatula Windgate asked Lou the bartender last week. "Why, have the Gruntlick twins escaped from the state asylum again?" asked Lou. "Not that kind of madness," explained Euflatula. "I mean NCAA Basketball Tournament madness." "Well, you know how popular the Farm Channel is at this time of the year," Lou warned her. "But we're talking basketball here," said Euflatula. "Hours and hours of college basketball. The fans go berserk. That's why they call it March Madness." Doc Pandemic strolled up to the bar and said, "I heard that rumor, too, but it isn't true. The warden at the state asylum just assured me the Gruntlick twins are safe in their padded cell. Bobby is beating himself with a newspaper and George is writing a doctoral thesis about it. Draw me a tall one, Lou. Just thinking about those boys works up my thirst." Juan worms his way into the conversation C.G. Scavola A SWAT by an other name ... Thwack! The mayor took a flask from the pocket of his jacket, swallowed deeply from it, and said, "Chief, I think we have a fundamental misunderstanding here." Thwack! The chief cocked his head and said conspiratorially, "Can't you say something nice? They've been working awfully hard on this." The mayor drank again, closed his eyes, opened them, and said, "I appreciate anyone who works hard. But this is not what I had in mind when I suggested that the police department needs a SWAT team." Thwack! We're way under budget Contact us: webmaster@straylake.com  |  Top of page

This Week in Stray Lake History 1899 - Ed Bromley remembered the Maine and shot a bag of Spanish onions his wife was planning to use to cook the Sunday roast. 1924 - Herman Gottlieb announced plans to open a speakeasy in the basement of the library, then changed his mind and instead ran off with the librarian and two books on the history of strong spirits. Quote of the Week: "Why don't we just ask Walter to do it?" George, RP (Random Person) Bookmark this page! Christmas stories by Bob Markwalter NEW !  The Shipwreck Chistmas The gifts of Christmas Surf's up, Santa Aerodynamically, it's impossible The Santa Claus trap We'll call her Christmas Hickory Farms is an American favorite for your table for your gifts for the holidays for anytime. Order here. Hickory Farms

Any resemblence in this material to any person, living or dead or in suspended animation, is purely coincidental, since the author is a hermit who lives atop a mountain and has not spoken to anyone but his fleas since 1937. ©2000 - 2004, Robert A. Markwalter. All rights reserved.